For me it was a huge, bush bursting into flames, type revelation, but okay.
For the sake of their privacy, we will call them Chris and Emily.
I was so relieved that I had found them. I was so grateful for the peace I felt inside. Finding them was just another confirmation that I was making the right choice in giving this baby a chance at a better life.
The next day Susan and I met and I decided I would 'announce' the next day.
For those of you who don't know, 'announcing' is when the birth mom puts together a fun little package, which she leaves at the agency. Then the adoptive couple is called in and presented with the package, and find out that they have been chosen.
I was so excited to put this together. Since the baby was due in April I went to Build a Bear and made a bunny for them. I also put some candy in and wrote a letter to them telling them about myself, and Ryan and asking them if they would accept my baby into their family. I dropped it off the next day and then waited for the phone call.
I was so nervous. I kept thinking to myself, what if they don't want my baby, what if they aren't ready for one right now, what if they don't like me. So many thoughts ran through my head. Susan placed a call to Chris and Emily and told them that something was wrong with their paperwork and they needed to come into the agency right away to fix it. Emily was shopping with her parents and Chris was at work when the call came. They later told me that they dropped everything and came right in, Emily's parents in tow and all. They wanted to make sure that their paperwork was just right.
When they arrived, Susan led them into her office then excused herself to go get a 'file'. A few minutes later she cam back in with my package and Emily told me as soon as she saw it she knew they had been chosen. Luckily Susan snapped pictures of the moment and I was able to enjoy the moment too, just on a different level.
The next day I got a phone call saying there was something waiting for me at the agency and I should come get it as soon as I could. I literally hung up the phone, grabbed my keys, and my mom, jumped in the car and drove up there. To get to the agency from my house was about a ten minute drive, but it felt like an hour. When I got there, Susan was waiting in the lobby for me holding a HUGE basket full of goodies! It had everything from a teddy bear to scrapbook supplies in it. I was so overwhelmed with their generosity, but the best thing in the basket was the two letters from Chris and Emily. They were both filled with sentiments of love and compassion and they both expressed how grateful they were for me and my decision and that they would be honored to make my baby a part of their family.
The following month Susan and I set up an appointment with Chris and Emily for us to meet for the first time. I was so excited to talk to them face to face, and I had so many different questions for them and I just wanted to get to know them better. After all, these are the people who would be raising my child.
The night before our meeting I was up most of the night with horrible back pain, (which we found out later were gall bladder flare ups, OUCH), and throwing up as well. So you can imagine that morning I was not feeling the best, my most suggested I reschedule, but there was no way I was going to miss this.
When I arrived at the agency I was taken into Susan's office because Chris and Emily hadn't arrived yet, and the wanted to make sure that I didn't see what car they came in. (I know that sounds weird, but the way they had it all set up was just kinda different because of privacy things.) After what seemed like forever Susan came and led me to the other room. I went in and Chris and Emily were both there waiting for me. Those lovely people. From the moment I met them, it seemed like we'd known each other for years. Even now, I STRONGLY believe, we knew each other before we came here. But any who, they both gave me a huge hug, then we sat and talked for almost two hours.
I asked them all sorts of questions about their lives, families, hobbies, etc. They wanted to know all about me, and my background as well. It was so funny because they were so nervous! I told them at the very beginning of the conversation that there was nothing they could say that would make me change my mind, but I know they were still on edge. They did ask me about Ryan, and I told them that I still hadn't heard from him and I just wasn't quite ready to divulge that much about him at that point. Another hour passed, we agreed that we would meet again in a few months and keep in touch through letters in the meantime. I said goodbye and left absolutely certain they were going to be my babies parents.
October and November passed, with doctors visit's, puking, crying, working, letters from Chris and Emily, support group, a trip to the ER, and the discovery that the baby was going to be a girl. On night around the first of December I had worked a ten hour shift and I was getting ready to leave work. I went and changed out of my uniform and wobbled out to my car.
Ryan was sitting on my trunk.