The Story of My Firstborn Pt.5

When he didn't move or speak for a few seconds and I couldn't see his face because he was hugging me, I wasn't sure if he'd heard me, so I repeated myself.
"Ryan, you're the father."
He pushed me away like I'd suddenly burst into flames and told me he heard me.
He stood up and didn't speak or move for almost five minutes.

We had only ever been together once. Earlier that year in July, after spending the day together, one thing led to another and it happened. Like I said before we had been so careful. And after it happened we decided that we cared about our friendship to much to mess it up and left it at that.

After what seemed like hours he finally looked up and said that he needed to talk to his mom. I asked him to stay with me for a little while and lets talk about it. But he kept saying over and over that he needed to talk to his mom. He insisted that he had to take me home right then and we would talk about it later.
The drive home was awful.
My best friend had all of the sudden become this stranger.
I couldn't wait to get out of the car.
When we pulled up in my driveway, all he said to me was that I should call him sometime and keep in touch.
I knew when he drove away, it would be a long time before I would see him again. That is, if I ever did.

That night I didn't get more than an hour of sleep.
What was I going to do?
How was I going to tell my parents?
What was Ryan going to do?
What about all of my plans?
How was I going to tell my boyfriend?
Would I loose my new job?
This was not happening.
This would never happen to me.

I called in sick the next morning and took a few days off to sort of 'regroup', and figure out what I was going to do next. I hadn't heard from Ryan yet, but I had decided to be patient, and just let him have a few days as well. If he was feeling anything like I was, I knew he could use some time as well. I told my brother and sister in law that I was pregnant and they were very supportive and loving. Wetalked about my options, and they helped me feel a little bit better about the situation.
I told Josh, my boyfriend, that I was sick so I could also figure out how to tell him.
The day I returned to work was the same day that my Dad returned home from their trip, and my Mom was to follow a few days later. I had it all planned out how I was going to tell them when they both were home together. I didn't want to see the look of disappointment that was sure to be on their faces so I was taking the wuss way out. I was going to write them a letter, and leave it for them one day before I went to work. Yeah, that plan didn't work. On my first break of my shift I called my Dad and broke the news to him. The first words out of his mouth were, 'crap, I'll tell your mom'. But he didn't yell or say anything harsh, one down, one to go.

The next day I went down and told my sister Nicole and her husband Ted. It didn't go as smoothly as planned and I went home in tears and got ready to go to work. Just as I was leaving my mom called to let me know she was about to get on a plane to come home and she asked me why I was crying. I told her that I couldn't tell her over the phone and we would talk when she got home. She assured me that whatever it was it was okay to tell her over the phone, and that she wouldn't be mad. So, I mustered up all my courage, took a deep breath, and blurted it out.

'Mom, I'm pregnant.'


Hales Family said...


Anonymous said...

Can I just say that I admire you?! Just the little pieces I've heard of your story make me so impressed with your decision to place your baby for adoption. I know that her adoptive parents are SO grateful for you and probably feel so indebted to you!. Thanks for sharing something so personal! Erin