He never showed.
Christmas and New Years came and went, uneventfully. I wrote and received letters from Chris and Emily once a week. Hear nothing from Ryan. And continued going to the support group at the adoption agency. (More on that another day.)
One night, about mid January, I was sitting at work, minding my own business when I started having horrible pain in my back. Thinking that I just needed to get up and stretch my legs, I took a break and went for a walk. I got about ten feet when the pain all of the sudden became so unbearable that I couldn't walk. What I think was a few moments later, I woke up on the ground. I didn't know what had happened, and I couldn't get up.
I happened to be next to one of the business offices that were in the back, (I worked as an operator at a hotel), so I drug myself over to the phone and called my coworker to let her know I needed help. The pain was unbearable. My coworker, Naomi, came back and brought our other friend Susie with her. Susie radioed security and had one of them back, she wanted them to call an ambulance. I told her I was fine, that it would pass, but when I threw up because of the pain, then passed out again, she insisted.
Next thing I know I'm being wheeled out on a stretcher. And when we got outside there was an ambulance, two police cars, and a fire truck. Which I was SO relieved to see because you never know when I might just burst into flames.
Anywho, they took me to the hospital, and sent me straight up to OB. When I got up there they put me on a monitor and saw that I was in labor. I totally started to panic! It wasn't time yet! The nurse assured me that they were going to try everything to stop it, and if the baby did come, there was a high survival rate at twenty something weeks. She didn't understand.
I knew the baby would be fine. That's not what I was worried about.
I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I still needed time to prepare for the sure pain of seperation that was ahead.
My Dad and brother came and gave me a blessing. My mom, who had been my source of strength through this whole thing was on vacation. Just that morning I practically had to push her out of the car at the airport, assuring her I would be fine while she was gone. And of course, this happens the first night she is gone.
Naomi, bless her heart, also came up to the hospital to be with me. I called Susan and told her what was happening. I asked her not to call Chris and Emily unless we were sure the baby was on her way, but I just wanted to give her a heads up.
Naomi called Ryan and left him a message that I was at the hospital and was in pre term labor and he was welcome to come up.
I had contractions for another few hours, but wasn't dialating, and eventually they stopped. But the doctor wanted to keep me overnight for observation. And I went home the next day pain free, tired, and still pregnant. (We found out months later, that I was having gal bladder flare ups and the pain is what started the contractions.)
It was after that night that I think it had finally dawned on me the reality of how hard it would be to say goodbye to my little one. So I began, in my own little way, to prepare. I started to write letters to the baby and myself. I put together a scrapbook about me for her to have. And I also picked out some cute fabric, and had my mom make a baby blanket for the baby that I would wrap her in while I had her, then keep after she was gone.
Time was passing so fast. In February my sweet friends at work threw me an 'after baby' shower. They made lots of yummy food, played fun games, and gave me gifts that I could use after the baby was born and with her new family. I also met with Chris and Emily two more times. Once to meet some of their extended family, and the last visit was just so I could see them again and talk with them.
Two weeks before the baby was due, I went into the OB for my weekly appointment. I told him that I would like to be induced because I didn't have a high tolerance for pain so I felt better starting labor in the hospital and on my timetable. And I felt too that I could better prepare for the whole situation if I knew what day the baby would be born.
He walked over, took one look at his computer and said, okay, we'll induce in a week.